happy halloween

Our little m&ms/ skeletons hope you had a wonderful Halloween!  While Shepherd wasn't too into the action yet, Barnes & Frances got pretty excited about trick-or-treating and candy.  They were jumping and dancing and spinning until 7:00...way past their normal bedtime!  Hope your day was as sweet and fun as ours.

good, but not always easy

"Is he a good baby?"

Why do we do this to one another? Why do we ask questions to which an honest answer may make the parent feel inadequate?

Much like the common "how are you," to which the only expected/accepted response is "fine," people love to ask new parents if their baby is "good."  In fairness, they mean no harm.  I'm fairly certain they mean something akin to easy...does he not cry too much and eat and sleep appropriately.  Yet when they phrase it this way, when they use the word "good," it feels wrong to not answer in the affirmative.

My friends, Shepherd is good.  He is good in that he is a sweet, tiny, adorable person who embodies the miracle of life.  He is good in that he is a beloved child of God, a gift from our Heavenly Father.  He is good in that we love him more than life itself.  But as good as he is, he hasn't proven to be the easiest baby.

For about 10 days, he pretty much slept, ate, and screamed.  The days felt long, with never enough time or arms to comfort him and give the twins the attention they crave.  It was hard.  It didn't feel "good."  Luckily, after some dietary changes, he is much more content and even inching closer to easy.  He still likes to be held pretty much all of the time, which is challenging when you're also chasing two 2-year-olds, but the screaming has seriously decreased.  Definitely closer to easy.

So because I can't be the only one with a good baby who is less than easy, maybe we should rephrase the small talk we make with new parents.  Perhaps we can ask a more general "how are you" or "how's the baby," a question that allows the parent to reveal as much or little about their new life as they desire without feeling like a fibber.  Maybe we can even throw in a "newborns can be quite difficult," making it easier to admit that caring for their precious child sometimes feels impossible.  And hopefully, however they choose to answer, we can truly listen.  Listen and encourage.  Because all babies are good.  But parents sometimes need the space to share that even good babies aren't always easy.

my good little Shepherd

the first real week

Between paternity leave and moving, Andrew had three full weeks off for Shepherd's birth.  They may have been crazy weeks, but they were glorious nonetheless.  Three entire weeks of two parents at home.  For the most part, we split up kid duty--one parent took the twins, the other took Shep.  But that all ended last Monday.  It was time for dad to go to work.

Last week was my first official week as a stay-at-home mom of three children under three.  It was both better and worse than I expected.  There were moments of bliss...really.  There were times when the big kids were great and the little guy was great all at once. There were 5 minute periods when all three were asleep at the same time.  There were precious moments of sneaking up on the twins just staring at their new brother.  But there were also times when I thought I must have lost my mind.  The first afternoon, we decided to take a walk once dad got home and locked ourselves out of the house...only to figure out how to break into the basement and call to cancel the locksmith...only to figure out we were still locked out of the main floor and have to recall the locksmith....only to realize the front door had been unlocked for four days and re-cancel the locksmith.  There was the next day, when I literally locked my three week old in the house (thank goodness dad works just minutes away).  There were many moments when all three were screaming, or when the twins were seconds from breaking some valuable piece of baby equipment, or when I needed desperately to pump but had no way to wrangle three kids while attaching myself to my lovely yellow machine.

Despite all the crazy, we made it.  That's what matters.  We figured out how to get out of the house with three kids (and we got of the house a lot).  We figured out the best times for mom to pump.  We found our new library and a few parks that we like.  And somehow mom even managed to shower each day.  We made it, and we are learning to love it collectively as much as we love each of these little ones individually.

Here a few phone pictures from our first official week:

lots of cuddling

art time

first lunch at panera

hello little brother

started week two off well with a trip to donut den

expectations

Expectations.  They get us every time.  Shepherd was supposed to be my full-term baby who nursed like a dream.  I was so looking forward to needing nothing but myself to feed him, to having those sweet moments with him.  Yesterday, though, those expectations had to be adjusted.

At two weeks old, Shepherd has lost 10 ounces.  Our pediatrician gave us a few things to try to attempt to find the problem.  After offering a bottle and pumping post feeding, it was obvious that Shepherd just wasn't eating from the breast.  For the past two weeks, he's been taking in enough to stay hydrated but not enough to grow.  For two weeks now, he's been nursing all the time but not actually eating.  To get him healthy and growing, then, his days at the breast are most likely over.  I'm pumping...again.  I swore I wouldn't pump again, but I want to give this little guy the best possible nutrition.  I know I won't be able to keep up with his demand, but I'll try my best for as long as it works.

Last night and this morning I was seriously depressed.  This was not the plan.  But then I saw that my sweet baby boy is happier because he is not so hungry.  And then I remembered the yearning I felt last fall and winter--the yearning for a baby, not the yearning to breastfeed.  Sure, it would be great to breastfeed my little boy...but I have a little boy.  Shepherd is perfect and healthy and here.  And that was the dream.  Whether he's fed by breast or pumped milk or formula, he is the dream.

milk and friends

Ugh.  Making milk is complicated.  Despite the "naturalness" of breastfeeding, it doesn't always come so naturally. 

We started strong.  In the hospital, little Shepherd was latching and eating like a champ.  Then the problems started.....extreme overproduction, which led to constant engorgement, which led to clogged ducts, which led to mastitis, with some cracking thrown in along the way.  To add insult to injury, after a week of painful feeds, Shepherd gained zero ounces.  Awesome.  It's getting better.  The antibiotics have definitely helped, and we are figuring out ways to cope, but it's still not exactly great.  Once we get going, though, and I look down at my sweet son, I love it.  That's why we're still trying.  I love feeding Shepherd.

In the midst of the breastfeeding conundrum, I've been lucky to have different kinds of support.  Friends who research potential solutions and spend as much time trying to figure it all out as I do.  Friends who tell me to send Andrew to the store for a bottle of formula.  Friends who encourage me to keep pushing.  Friends who tell me it's okay to stop pushing.  Isn't that what we need in life?  Friends that remind us that we are okay.  That we are enough, that we are trying hard enough.  As my friends support me in their own unique ways, I am reminded of one of my great wishes for my children.  I pray that, as they grow, they find a community of friends to love and encourage them.  That they have friends they can call when life is just too much.  Even more, I pray that they are those friends to others.  That they always choose kindness and compassion and encouragement. 

And at this exact moment, I pray that Shepherd and I get the nursing thing under control.

one week

Shepherd is one week old today.  We've had this precious little soul in our family for one whole week.

Life as a family of five is a little crazy.  Barnes & Frances have been particularly rambunctious.  I think their status upgrade to big brother/sister has gone to their heads a bit, as they've been making jokes, purposely rolling head first off beds, asking for popsicles before God is awake, and generally being sassier and funnier than ever.  Despite the nuttiness, we are loving this new version of our family.

Shepherd is just perfect.  He has the most adorable face.  He loves to be cuddled.  He really enjoys mealtime.  He tolerates his brother and sister's loud noises, as well as his crazy dogs' barking.  He looks so, so much like his brother did as a baby.  He smells amazing.  Of course, he has his quirks.  He despises diaper changes.  He would prefer to never have his clothes changed.  He wants to be held most of the time, which isn't always great at night.  Nonetheless, he is still perfect.  And he is perfectly ours.

shepherd louis shafer

We are thrilled to announce that Shepherd Louis Shafer was born on Monday, September 16th at 8:04 am.  He weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces, was 19.25 inches long, and came into the world with an off the chart head at 14.5 in.  He made sure we knew that his lungs were working for his first 30 minutes or so of life, but since then has been the sweetest, best baby.  We are so in love.

I will never be able to describe how magical his birthday was for me.  From the moment we checked into the hospital, everything was bliss.  The team in the delivery room made sure all of my wishes were known and respected, including taking photos of him actually being born, getting to touch him while he was still gooey, and never having my arms strapped down so I could stroke his beautiful face.  Andrew never had to leave his side, sticking with him through the OR, recovery, and first bath.  I was able to nurse within his first hour of life.  It was beautiful and amazing and everything a birthday should be.  I feel so humbled to have had this experience with him. 

Three healthy children.  We could not be more blessed.