hoosiers

Maybe you've noticed that I typically cover all of our major life events on this blog.  And maybe you've also noticed that I've not yet written about our move.  Four weeks in Indiana, and not a single post about life here.  Why?  Because it's hard.  Being here is hard. 

When I write, I think.  I sit with my thoughts, letting them bounce around in my head, trying to explore every facet of whatever the topic may be.  And I have not yet been ready to write about the move.  I'm not sure I can sit still with my thoughts about the move...

I was excited about this new adventure.  I encouraged Andrew to take this job, and I am so proud he has embraced this career opportunity.  But I oh-so-sorely miss Knoxville.  I miss knowing where to go and how to get there.  I miss the familiarity of our home and neighborhood.  Most of all, I miss the dear friends we left.

I know it will be fine...we will love it here, eventually.  In fact, it's already getting better.  I don't have to pull out my GPS as often, and I have found a few girls with whom I can enjoy a fun drink.  But for now, I miss Tennessee.

Like most challenges in life, dealing with infertility on any level changes a person.  Losing a baby changes a person.  Losing three babies and then welcoming twins in a fourteen month span reshaped my very soul, and in many ways I'm still learning about the new facets of my heart.  One thing I know is that, since our journey to parenthood, my highs are higher and my lows are lower.  When I'm joyful, the joy is richer, and when I sorrowful, the sorrow is deeper.  I feel more.  And in Indiana, I am lonely. 

Luckily, this loneliness will not last.  We will find our people.  And, more importantly, we will always have each other.  Andrew, Barnes, Frances, Cooper, Stella, and me.  Our own little team of hoosiers.