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| our whole crew |
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| some sibling love |
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| Frances Katherine, 3.5 |
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| Barnes Howard, 3.5 |
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| Shepherd Louis, 1.5 |
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| Ellis Andrew, 7 weeks |
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Happy 4th, Friends!
Friday, June 26, 2015
love wins
To my littles:
Today is a good day. Today the country we live in became a more fair place. A more just place. As of today, same sex couples have the right to marry each other. Love is love, and love is equal.
Now, I hope that by the time you are old enough to read this you are thinking, "What in the world is mom jabbering about? Why wouldn't gay couples be treated the same as straight couples? Mom must be SO OLD to remember these ancient times." But unfortunately I have a feeling that discrimination will still exist in some form. That there will still be individuals and groups of people who are marginalized because of who they are, who they love, what they look like, how they speak. There will still be people who aren't considered enough. So this is important. Even if none of the other things I have every written matter to you, I hope this one sinks in.
Today was a good day, but last week was not. Last week was hideous and heartbreaking. A white man walked into a church and killed nine black people at a Bible study. He did it solely because they were black. His heart was filled with hate, and now nine families have been broken. You see, humanity has a long history of being afraid of what is different. We don't always understand people who are different. And many times, that lack of understanding coupled with the fear of difference leads to hate. Uneducated, unjustifiable hate.
My littles, I pray that you are always the ones with your hands outstretched to the marginalized. I pray that you never fear those who seem different, but instead that you seek to learn about and befriend them. I can guarantee you that you will always find more similarities than differences if you are willing to truly look. And even if you find someone who is so different from you that you cannot find common ground, do not respond in fear. Respond with love. Know that they are just as sacred and special and God-created as you.
I am incredibly grateful that our world was made better today. I am hopeful that your generation will continue the progress we are making towards true equality, no matter one's race or religion or sexual orientation or any other characteristic. You are each so young still, and I have no idea what your lives will eventually look like. I don't know whether you will be single or married, but I love knowing that your decisions will not be limited based on your sexual orientation. That your love will be validated, whatever it looks like.
I love you and I am so privileged to walk into this brighter future with each of you.
Mom
Today is a good day. Today the country we live in became a more fair place. A more just place. As of today, same sex couples have the right to marry each other. Love is love, and love is equal.
Now, I hope that by the time you are old enough to read this you are thinking, "What in the world is mom jabbering about? Why wouldn't gay couples be treated the same as straight couples? Mom must be SO OLD to remember these ancient times." But unfortunately I have a feeling that discrimination will still exist in some form. That there will still be individuals and groups of people who are marginalized because of who they are, who they love, what they look like, how they speak. There will still be people who aren't considered enough. So this is important. Even if none of the other things I have every written matter to you, I hope this one sinks in.
Today was a good day, but last week was not. Last week was hideous and heartbreaking. A white man walked into a church and killed nine black people at a Bible study. He did it solely because they were black. His heart was filled with hate, and now nine families have been broken. You see, humanity has a long history of being afraid of what is different. We don't always understand people who are different. And many times, that lack of understanding coupled with the fear of difference leads to hate. Uneducated, unjustifiable hate.
My littles, I pray that you are always the ones with your hands outstretched to the marginalized. I pray that you never fear those who seem different, but instead that you seek to learn about and befriend them. I can guarantee you that you will always find more similarities than differences if you are willing to truly look. And even if you find someone who is so different from you that you cannot find common ground, do not respond in fear. Respond with love. Know that they are just as sacred and special and God-created as you.
I am incredibly grateful that our world was made better today. I am hopeful that your generation will continue the progress we are making towards true equality, no matter one's race or religion or sexual orientation or any other characteristic. You are each so young still, and I have no idea what your lives will eventually look like. I don't know whether you will be single or married, but I love knowing that your decisions will not be limited based on your sexual orientation. That your love will be validated, whatever it looks like.
I love you and I am so privileged to walk into this brighter future with each of you.
Mom
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
6 weeks
Sweet baby Ellis, you are now officially six weeks old. How is that possible? I've been terrible at documenting your life thus far....honestly, I haven't written the first thing in your baby book yet. So before another week speeds by, I wanted to quickly let you know just how truly precious you are.
Ellis, you may be #4, but you are unique. You are already showing us that raising you will not be like raising any other baby. Just like your brothers and sister, you have your own identity and your own adorable quirks, and we are thrilled to learn all about you.
Here's what we know thus far...
You are not a car baby. While many babies love their car seats and will snooze away, you truly hate yours. You scream; you spit up; you generally protest until you tire yourself out and fall asleep. And this is really a pity because you are already on the go. We rarely leave you behind as we jump from one activity to another--you are quite the busy 6 week old.
You get held and carried a lot. Being the fourth baby, this may sound surprising, but I find myself just holding you all day. You like it; I like it. You just seem to precious to put down, and you fit right into my arm so perfectly. And when we are out and about, you can most likely be found being worn in the carrier. I've never worn a baby very much before, but you have quickly become part of my wardrobe.
You get very fussy at night, usually inconsolable. You want to just eat and eat and eat, and nothing we do seems to calm you down. But your dad is so patient with you. He is already so in love.
Your brothers and sister love you so dearly. Frances and Barnes love taking care of you...they talk to you and give you your pacifier and help with diaper changes. I wish I could capture the love I see when I find one of them sweetly comforting you or telling you a story. And Shepherd loves you too, he just isn't sure how to show it safely. He loves saying your name, and his favorite thing to do is help you bounce in your bouncy seat, but his bounces are a little too violent for a newborn. I promise we are doing our best to protect you!
You smell so wonderful. I don't know when that sweet smell wears off--you don't realize it's gone until it's too late--but I cannot get enough of it.
You are a champion nurser. Ellis, I cannot tell you how much I am enjoying feeding you. You will never understand, but you have given me an invaluable gift. I love having those moments with you and being able to sustain you with just myself. One of the sweetest parts of each day right now is when I nurse you in my bed each morning, just you and me, before we go out and join the craziness.
Ellis, you are so dear and already an irreplaceable part of this family. I am so thankful for you and the way you (most likely) complete our little family. I cannot wait to learn more about you and watch you grow and explore this amazing world.
Ellis, you may be #4, but you are unique. You are already showing us that raising you will not be like raising any other baby. Just like your brothers and sister, you have your own identity and your own adorable quirks, and we are thrilled to learn all about you.
Here's what we know thus far...
You are not a car baby. While many babies love their car seats and will snooze away, you truly hate yours. You scream; you spit up; you generally protest until you tire yourself out and fall asleep. And this is really a pity because you are already on the go. We rarely leave you behind as we jump from one activity to another--you are quite the busy 6 week old.
You get held and carried a lot. Being the fourth baby, this may sound surprising, but I find myself just holding you all day. You like it; I like it. You just seem to precious to put down, and you fit right into my arm so perfectly. And when we are out and about, you can most likely be found being worn in the carrier. I've never worn a baby very much before, but you have quickly become part of my wardrobe.
You get very fussy at night, usually inconsolable. You want to just eat and eat and eat, and nothing we do seems to calm you down. But your dad is so patient with you. He is already so in love.
Your brothers and sister love you so dearly. Frances and Barnes love taking care of you...they talk to you and give you your pacifier and help with diaper changes. I wish I could capture the love I see when I find one of them sweetly comforting you or telling you a story. And Shepherd loves you too, he just isn't sure how to show it safely. He loves saying your name, and his favorite thing to do is help you bounce in your bouncy seat, but his bounces are a little too violent for a newborn. I promise we are doing our best to protect you!
You smell so wonderful. I don't know when that sweet smell wears off--you don't realize it's gone until it's too late--but I cannot get enough of it.
You are a champion nurser. Ellis, I cannot tell you how much I am enjoying feeding you. You will never understand, but you have given me an invaluable gift. I love having those moments with you and being able to sustain you with just myself. One of the sweetest parts of each day right now is when I nurse you in my bed each morning, just you and me, before we go out and join the craziness.
Ellis, you are so dear and already an irreplaceable part of this family. I am so thankful for you and the way you (most likely) complete our little family. I cannot wait to learn more about you and watch you grow and explore this amazing world.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
new home sweet home
Last Wednesday, at one week old, sweet baby Ellis came home from the NICU and joined the crazy that is our little family. It was a precious day. We all went down to the hospital to pick him up (I had to stage a bit of a sit-in to get him dismissed early in the morning, but that's a different story). The "big kids" were so sweet and incredibly excited to bring him home. They couldn't get enough of him and wanted to hold him and talk to him and kiss him all day. Andrew and I were overjoyed to have our entire family united. Seeing my four children together brought a peace to my spirit that is simply inexplicable. And then the chaos returned.
The day after Ellis came home, we moved. We are thrilled to be in a home that we hope will be ours for many years, and the kids absolutely love their new house. The front yard is perfect for playing, and they can ride their scooters in the street which is a huge bonus when you are a preschooler. But moving comes with its own challenges. So now we are living with boxes as we get used to the new normal of four kids under four. We are still searching for many "essentials" and just re-buying others as we sort through this crazy period. And we are trying our best to remember how quickly this will pass in the grand scheme of life. Oh, and of course taking pictures so that we can actually recall these crazy days.
The day after Ellis came home, we moved. We are thrilled to be in a home that we hope will be ours for many years, and the kids absolutely love their new house. The front yard is perfect for playing, and they can ride their scooters in the street which is a huge bonus when you are a preschooler. But moving comes with its own challenges. So now we are living with boxes as we get used to the new normal of four kids under four. We are still searching for many "essentials" and just re-buying others as we sort through this crazy period. And we are trying our best to remember how quickly this will pass in the grand scheme of life. Oh, and of course taking pictures so that we can actually recall these crazy days.
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| our beautiful boy moments after birth |
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| meeting his crew |
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| on the morning he was discharged--so peaceful |
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| proud dad loading him in for the ride home |
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| so excited |
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| instant love |
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| middle brother wants in on the fun |
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| smitten |
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| my loves |
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| making sure dad does it right |
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| sweet helper |
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| not so sure about the madness |
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| this big brother is the best hand holder |
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| settling in |
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| first bath at home |
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| no more pictures, please |
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
an extended stay
So...although sweet Ellis was a term baby, his lungs decided to act premature. They just couldn't quite keep his tiny body oxygenated enough. On his first night, we sent him to the nursery to get a short stint of sleep, after which he came back to nurse and cuddle. About an hour later, I decided to let the nurse take him to the nursery one more time, and while she was transporting him she thought his color looked off. She called another nurse, they tested him, and rather than being in the 90s, his oxygenation rate was in the 50s. Not good. I am so grateful that I called that nurse. So grateful that he wasn't in our room, in the dark, with parents not trained to notice distress signs. So grateful that someone realized he needed help.
We initially thought it would be a couple of days, but Ellis needed a little more help than predicted. Tomorrow, after a long week of balancing our big kids' needs with sweet baby boy, we are scheduled to get to bring him home. I know that in the grand scheme of life, a week is nothing, but it has been a hard one. Three-year-olds need their parents. One-year-olds need their parents. NICU babies need their parents. And we couldn't be more excited to get them all under one roof where they can all have access to both mom & dad. Prayers that tonight goes well and Ellis joins the chaos tomorrow.
We initially thought it would be a couple of days, but Ellis needed a little more help than predicted. Tomorrow, after a long week of balancing our big kids' needs with sweet baby boy, we are scheduled to get to bring him home. I know that in the grand scheme of life, a week is nothing, but it has been a hard one. Three-year-olds need their parents. One-year-olds need their parents. NICU babies need their parents. And we couldn't be more excited to get them all under one roof where they can all have access to both mom & dad. Prayers that tonight goes well and Ellis joins the chaos tomorrow.
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| even with a cannula and feeding tube, this face is just too precious |
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Ellis Andrew
On May 13, 2015 at 8:29 a.m., Ellis Andrew Shafer made his way into our world. He weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces and was 19 inches long. And he is perfect.
His birth was precious. The c-section was incredibly low-key and peaceful, even including delayed cord cutting to get him more of that precious, rich blood. After being weighed by nurses under dad's watchful eye, he was placed directly on my chest for skin-to-skin time, something I've never gotten to experience with any of my children at birth. For about 20 minutes, he spent time with mom and dad, cuddling and getting to know each other. Just magical.
His entire first day was story-book perfect. He met his excited siblings, who all showered him with hand-holding and kisses. Barnes especially was immediately smitten. He met all four of his grandparents and his Aunt Elizabeth. He was surrounded by love and support from the moment he was born.
He is a beautiful boy, with a perfect head and fuzzy hair. He has long toes and fingers. He likes to keep one hand by his face at all times, and sometimes he grabs his tiny ear. And we are completely in love.
On his first night, things got a little less perfect, and he is currently still in the NICU (more on that later). We are immensely grateful that he is getting the care he needs, but I will be forever thankful that we had that first perfect day together. That I got to cuddle him all day. That I got to nurse him and kiss him and pass him around to those that love him most in the world. And now I am counting the days until I can hold him again.
His birth was precious. The c-section was incredibly low-key and peaceful, even including delayed cord cutting to get him more of that precious, rich blood. After being weighed by nurses under dad's watchful eye, he was placed directly on my chest for skin-to-skin time, something I've never gotten to experience with any of my children at birth. For about 20 minutes, he spent time with mom and dad, cuddling and getting to know each other. Just magical.
His entire first day was story-book perfect. He met his excited siblings, who all showered him with hand-holding and kisses. Barnes especially was immediately smitten. He met all four of his grandparents and his Aunt Elizabeth. He was surrounded by love and support from the moment he was born.
He is a beautiful boy, with a perfect head and fuzzy hair. He has long toes and fingers. He likes to keep one hand by his face at all times, and sometimes he grabs his tiny ear. And we are completely in love.
On his first night, things got a little less perfect, and he is currently still in the NICU (more on that later). We are immensely grateful that he is getting the care he needs, but I will be forever thankful that we had that first perfect day together. That I got to cuddle him all day. That I got to nurse him and kiss him and pass him around to those that love him most in the world. And now I am counting the days until I can hold him again.
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| Barnes is in love with baby brother. He could not stop holding his hand. When he called to say goodnight after meeting him at the hospital, he asked, unprompted, "Is baby Ellis still okay?" |
Saturday, May 9, 2015
final countdown
Baby boy is coming in four days. In just four short days, I'll be holding my fourth little one. And I cannot wait to see him and kiss his precious face.
After a slew of appointments and medicines, it has been decided that I will have this little guy at 38 weeks on the dot. That means 8 fewer days to plan and prepare, but hopefully 8 fewer days of no way to treat my ribs. I never thought I would want to have a baby early. I truly believe that each day in the womb is a gift...each day of development is so very needed. But I also know that there has to be a balance, and for our family's sake, the balance this time is giving baby boy the time he needs while getting him out once he is healthy.
For some reason, the idea that I know exactly when this little guy is coming feels very strange this time around. Don't get me wrong, the planner in me loves it, and with three other monkeys to care for it makes the whole process far more smooth. But something about knowing that surgery begins at 8:00 on Wednesday and that I'll be looking at him by 9:00 is just surreal. Exciting, but surreal.
So I'm taking these next few days to love on my big kids. To play with Shep, who is still the baby for a bit longer. To make sure they all understand how special they are, how incredibly much I love them. And to let baby boy grow just a tiny bit more as we all excitedly anticipate his arrival.
After a slew of appointments and medicines, it has been decided that I will have this little guy at 38 weeks on the dot. That means 8 fewer days to plan and prepare, but hopefully 8 fewer days of no way to treat my ribs. I never thought I would want to have a baby early. I truly believe that each day in the womb is a gift...each day of development is so very needed. But I also know that there has to be a balance, and for our family's sake, the balance this time is giving baby boy the time he needs while getting him out once he is healthy.
For some reason, the idea that I know exactly when this little guy is coming feels very strange this time around. Don't get me wrong, the planner in me loves it, and with three other monkeys to care for it makes the whole process far more smooth. But something about knowing that surgery begins at 8:00 on Wednesday and that I'll be looking at him by 9:00 is just surreal. Exciting, but surreal.
So I'm taking these next few days to love on my big kids. To play with Shep, who is still the baby for a bit longer. To make sure they all understand how special they are, how incredibly much I love them. And to let baby boy grow just a tiny bit more as we all excitedly anticipate his arrival.
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