christmastime is here

Call us pagans, but at Christmas, we go all in. Of course we read the Christmas story...we talk about Baby Jesus and Mary and the meaning behind this precious holiday (in fact, Frances is currently in love with Mary). But we also take part in all the non-religious fun. The tree, the presents, the crafts, the elf on the shelf (ours is DeeDee), Santa, reindeer, carols with literally nothing to do with Bethlehem.

I've read lots of opinions on this, and I totally get the people who refuse to celebrate any secular aspect of the holiday. But for us, we love it all. We love the manger AND the sleigh. Our Mickey Mouse ornament hangs right by our angel. We talk about how Jesus got three gifts, then we allow our children to receive some insane multiple of that on Christmas morning. And I think that's okay. Because the thing is, it's still all about love.

It's pouring our love all over our sweet kids, with intention that is easier to make time for during this season than at any other point on the calendar. It's watching friends and family give of themselves to our children, through time and attention and gift. It's the wonder of seeing our oldest two begin to learn about the joy of giving. And every year, every day, it's about using this season to point our kids' hearts and our own toward the love of our Father. About telling and retelling the captivating nativity story. About hearing my children point to the empty manger this morning in mass and ask where Baby Jesus was, and explaining that the world excitedly waits for His arrival on Christmas Eve. It's using our meager ability to love to reflect God's perfect love for us, and relishing in this magnificent season with which we have been gifted.

Merry Christmas Week! May you and your family, however you celebrate, be filled with love and warmth.

the smiley face

Every morning, without fail, B&F ask for an art time. And they aren't just satisfied with a box of crayons and some paper....they want a planned-out, project-oriented art time. I know this doesn't sound like a huge deal, but I am absolutely not a preschool teacher. I do not have endless 3-year-old projects tucked away in my brain, and am often not brave enough to delve into the mess that comes with many pinterest projects. But I try. I try to come up with something fun and engaging every morning, not just because they love it so much, but because I truly believe that kids learn through play.

We don't spend a lot of time doing flashcards in our home. In fact, the only "flashcards" the twins have ever had were used to identify the Disney character on them instead of for the intended name-the-shape game. No offense to the moms out there doing flashcards--you do what works for you. But for us, I am firmly planted in the "we expect too much out of our children at far too young an age" camp. I don't want my 3-year-olds feeling the pressures and anxieties of academia yet. There's plenty of time for that. For now, we learn through playing trucks and kitchens and dolls, and we learn through art time.

But as many of you know, I have a bit of a competitive side. Since having kids, my need to "make the grade" has quelled substantially, but it still flares at times. When someone posts a video of their kid, just a few months older than mine, reading. When someone oh-so-humbly brags that their 2.5 year old can write all their letters. When someone notifies us that their 4-year-old has been invited to apply for early admission at Harvard. Sometimes I freak out a bit. Am I doing a terrible job? I mean...I'm a stay-at-home mom...my kids should probably be to chapter books at 3. Why are we spending time gluing this silly looking penguin together? We should be reading and writing and memorizing! They seriously just used the penguin's feet as its eyes! I am definitely failing here!!!! Less playing more learning!

But those freak outs, those comparisons, are all about me. I am never actually worried that B&F aren't doing well enough. They are geniuses! Truly, I believe (as every parent should) that my children are exceptional. My fear of failure has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. So we keep playing. Because that's what we have determined, through research and gut-instinct, is best for our children. And then, in their own 3-year-old way and through God's precious grace, they do something that assures me we are doing just fine.

At parent-teacher conference (yes, for the older 2s class), I asked about making smiley faces. I said we had worked on it to their complete disinterest, and I wondered if they should be able to draw one now. The teachers said absolutely not...many kids much older still wouldn't intentionally put the parts of the smiley face together. A few weeks later while out to dinner, the kiddos were drawing. And Frances drew a smiley face. A literally perfect smiley fact, with eyes, nose, mouth, hair, and ears. Then Barnes followed suit, with another perfectly recognizable face. Y'all...I know it sounds tiny, but those two precious drawings were balm to this mom's sometimes weary soul.

When we become parents, we give up so much of who we are....but not everything. I still have my quirks. I still have my irrational need for achievement. And those sweet smiley faces were one of my favorite achievements to date.

and baby #4 is......

a boy!!!!!!!

We are so thrilled to add another precious son to our family. Frances was temporarily confused, as she had decided the baby was a girl, but all is well now and everyone is looking forward to meeting this newest little one in May.

thanks and light

I was planning to write on Thanksgiving evening, but then life happened. Barnes came down with pneumonia so writing had to wait. But now he is actually in his own bed (for the moment), and there is a window of peace, so....

A friend once told me a story passed on to her by another mom. This mom would explain light and God and truth and love to her children in this way: imagine the darkest room possible. If you turn on a tiny flashlight in that dark, dark room, can you see it? Yes, of course. No matter how dark the room is, you can see the light. The light is always stronger than the darkness.

I have held on to and loved this for a long time. And this year, in contemplating Thanksgiving, this story kept coming to mind. On Thanksgiving morning this year, I immediately began crying. I looked at Andrew, my amazing teammate and life partner, listened to the playroom full of kids, thought about the new life growing, and said to him, "I feel like I have everything I ever wanted." We have so much. Truly. I have a million reasons to be thankful. But not every year has felt this way. And even this year, there are some crazy hard things going on. People I love that are hurting. Uncertainty on so many fronts. There are lots of reasons for the room to be dark. And so many people's rooms are so much darker than I can even imagine. But we have access to a light. When we turn our hearts toward gratefulness, even in the hardest moments, even if for just a split second, we find some light. You see, I believe that stopping to give thanks, intentionally choosing gratefulness, ignites that flashlight. And the flashlight, no matter how small, can always be seen in the darkness.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 instructs us to "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." My friends, that is quite a challenge. How many times do I feel more like cursing my situation than finding words of thanks? But I'm beginning to think that Paul doesn't say this as a simple platitude. Instead, maybe he is giving us advice on how to get through even the rough times. You see, while I know it is good and right to thank God, I don't think he really "needs" to hear our thank yous. I think, perhaps, the recommended gratefulness is far more beneficial to the thanker than the thankee. We give thanks in the good. We give thanks in the terrible. And either way, our grateful hearts shine in whatever darkness we find ourselves. Our thanks lights our way and lightens our burden. And the light is always stronger than the darkness.

words

It's happening...one of my favorite baby to toddler things....Shep is saying words. For the longest time, he had NO INTEREST in communicating. He was getting along just fine with his grunts and whines. Then it started with dada, truck (tuck), and bye-bye. And now the list is growing. From what we can decipher, he has distinct sounds for duck, Barnes (Ba-Ba), ball, and dog. We have heard him say banana before, and the sitter has heard him say apple. I feel certain there are others we just haven't deciphered yet, as he is suddenly actually trying to talk to us.

I adore hearing his tiny voice develop. I love how each child's words are a little bit different. I love how proud he is when we tell him good job, how he loves to clap for himself. But there's one thing I don't love so much. Every time we try to get him to say ma-ma, he laughs hysterically. It's like his own personal joke. Not funny, Shep. Not funny.

did you eat the baby?

So Frances is pretty fascinated with the whole baby thing this time around. She is asking lots of questions. Lots. Here's a sampling of her baby thoughts for the week.

At bedtime:

Mom: "Should we pray for the new baby?"
F: "Is the baby in your tummy? How's it going to get out? Does it come out your mouth?"

The next morning:

F: "Is the baby going to come out your mouth?"

The next day:

F: "There's a baby in your tummy, so yummy, so yummy.....Mommy, did you eat the baby?"
Mom: "No."
F: "Then how did it get in your tummy?"

Wednesday, before a checkup:
F: "Mommy, are you going to get the baby out today?"

I think by May this girl is going to have quite the education.

baby #4 at 12 weeks...already looking pretty cute

expanding again

Dear friends, we are thrilled to let you all know that another sweet baby is on its way to our family. Baby Shafer #4 is due in late May, and we couldn't be more excited.

Before we were married and in our early years, we always said that we wanted four children. Four was our number. Then life happened, and I honestly never imagined that four was a possibility anymore. But through luck and science and grace, our family grew, and now we are expecting our fourth little one. And we are incredibly humbled by this news.

For those of you trying to do some quick math in your head, yes, you are correct--we will have four children under four years old. Yes, we know that many of you reading this will think we are crazy. But we know with certainty that this is a good thing. We wanted this baby, and we know that it will only add to our family, as each of our other three have. While having a big family isn't for everyone, it is for us, and we are grateful for the opportunity to live this experience.