the minivan

Parenthood is a juggle, a constant balancing act. Some things must be literally balanced...time commitments, attention to each child. Most balancing, though, is more metaphorical. In my short three years as a mom, I've learned that one constant for me is the pull between being "me" and being "mom." Many times, most times, I am mom. But I think it's so important, both for your own health and happiness as well as the example you set for your littles, to retain a little "me." It doesn't have to be anything huge...continuing to engage in your exercise of choice or hobby, getting a babysitter so you can sit with a friend for adult conversation once in a while, taking the afternoon off to get your hair cut for the first time in 6 months. Little doses of the old you are necessary. After all, when you held your first baby for the first time, you may have fallen incredibly in love, but you didn't lose all your other loves in the process. They may be a lower priority, but they still exist.

So one of my concrete "me" items has always been my car. Despite being the crazy lady with LOTS of REALLY YOUNG kids, I refused to give up my SUV. There was no way I was becoming a minivan mom. That's where I drew the line. But as much as I have learned that you must cling tightly to some "me's," I've also learned that you must let go of others. Sometimes reason and family and common sense dictate that a "me" just isn't really going to work anymore.

You see, we are about to have four kids under four. Four kids that need help with buckling and climbing. Four kids that need giant carseats and space to breathe. And a mom that needs the ability to maneuver between these oh-so-wanted four littles. So we are now the (not-quite-proud) owners of a minivan. We shall be indistinguishable from every other family in the church parking lot in our champagne colored beast. And while we enjoy the convenience offered by this monstrosity, I will be secretly holding onto the hope that "me" will get a much more attractive car when my littles are a bit less little.

littlest boy

It's hard to believe, but we are well over half-way through this pregnancy. At 22 weeks today, even when you subtract those first few weeks when you aren't really pregnant, we are still closer to the end than the beginning. And I am so looking forward to meeting this precious boy.

This time around has been different....I've generally been more nauseous....I've had more (and stranger) cravings....I didn't start feeling him move consistently until around 20 weeks. But no matter the differences, no matter how many times you have been here before, it's a miracle just the same. I love knowing that my littlest one is tucked away in my belly. I love each jolt as he learns to kick and stretch and explore. I feel so privileged to nurture him in this special way, and I am already so grateful to be his mom.

21 weeks, 4 days...very pregnant

transfer-versary

Happy January 16th, my friends! No, it's not a national holiday, but it is the anniversary of the day our B&F pregnancy began.  I love transfer day, and I celebrate with the twins every year. This year's celebration consisted of indoor swimming, mexican food, and ice cream...what more could 3-year-olds want?

Our 2015 festivities contained a new element as well. For the first time this year I got to explain to the twins a little about why this day was special to me. I gave them their embryo pictures to hold and told them they were their first pictures, when they were just teeny tiny about to go live in mom's belly. Frances wanted to know where Shep's picture was, so I got to tell her she was made with some extra special care and that the doctor helped put her in mom to grow.

Y'all, it may sound wacky, but it was precious. It was a chance to remind my children of just how loved and wanted they are. It was a chance to remind myself of just how lucky I am, of how dearly I wanted children and of how beautifully that desire has been fulfilled. On the last day of a week that has been long and difficult, a week when I tried to figure out exactly who to send my stay-at-home-mom resignation letter to, it gave me the perspective I needed. The perspective to remember that it's all worth it. That it's sacred work, a true privilege to be raising these kids.

So happy transfer day, B&F! We are so thankful that we "met" you four years ago and eternally grateful that you stuck around for the ride.

a south carolina christmas

Last week we trekked to Greenville to celebrate part 2 of our Christmas. Each year since having kids, we've somehow managed to see all grandparents close to Christmas without much extra travel, but this year didn't work out that way. The drive home got long, but watching the kids play and enjoy time with their entire family over Christmas was well worth the headache of traveling with our troop.

ice cream sandwiches and m&ms....

the best park ever...airplanes and an airport

and fun downtown exploring the river and waterfall park